How I Turned Around A Funk-Filled Perspective (Without Killing Myself)

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I didn’t start the day off with this smile.

I started it wishing something catastrophic would happen and cause me to be taken out the game of life either permanently or at least for an extended period of time.

In nearly every direction of my life I saw stress, hardship, hurt, disappointment, and frustration. And since I couldn’t extend the weekend to process it all, the best solution I could think of was sudden death or forceful removal from the rhythms of life due to misfortune.

Thank Jesus He is more creative than me and always has a better plan when it comes to problem solving. I spent my morning venting to Him about my feelings and in between vents, taking short naps I thought would magically change my life.

“Maybe if I go back to sleep and try this again, things will be different when I wake up.” 

Three cycles of this I tried, yet every time I woke, the weight of reality was still roaring its bleak tale.

Operation: Sleep It Off? #Fail

By this point I’d ignored the world for as long as I could. Morning was soon passing the baton to noon and I couldn’t continue this slack-spined cycle any longer.

“Alright Kandis, get it together.”

Now came the joy of figuring out how to actually function with this immovable weight.

I should journal.

I should read my daily devotion.

I should pray.

I should read my Bible.

I should vent to God my raw emotions.

I drudged through each of these efforts like a slug in sludge.

My words were inadequate as I journaled.

My daily devotion didn’t meet my current need.

My Bible spoke on a topic I didn’t think applied.

My vent led to further frustration.

Nothing was fixing anything and I was running out of healthy options. I decided to make one last effort to try and swing this mood of mine—sing songs proclaiming the exact opposite emotions I felt. Songs of gratitude, songs that told me God was with me and fighting for me, songs that spoke life and hope, songs that reminded me of the blood and cross of Jesus Christ.

It took me a couple hours of listening and singing, but I eventually got there. I got to a place of hope. I got to a place of rest. I got to a place of joy and renewed strength.

That smile you see in the pic didn’t wake up with me that morning. It didn’t greet me with the sun and offer to stay with me throughout the day. No, it was given as a gift from the One I intentionally chose to delight myself in, even when my world told me not to.

I am convinced, there is absolutely no denying the power of praise (Psalm 22:3), the power of setting our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2), and the power of surrendering our burdened hearts to a loving Savior (1 Peter 5:7).

Jesus rescued me when I wanted to welcome death and destruction as a means to an end. I’m so so grateful He had a better way to get me back in the game of life—a way that didn’t involve an extended stay at somebody’s hospital or a permanent stay in somebody’s graveyard. Amen, somebody!

Have you ever had a turnaround day like this? How did you get to a better place?

Speaking of turnarounds, Candy West‘s song “Turnaround” makes for a great ending here. Enjoy!

  • Daysha
    December 11, 2016

    Kandis thank you for posting this. I needed every word you wrote on today! Thank you. Excited about all God has in store for you especially in your new season! I look forward to more posts because this one was a blessing to my soul. Thank you again

  • Ashley
    September 28, 2016

    Love this very encouraging word. I’ve felt like this before, like I wasn’t enough or will never be because of what someone said. The crying, the venting to God and believing the world would be better off without me was the same thing the devil tried to make me believe, but that wasn’t so. So I prayed and listened to music and cried even more. I pray for God to give me what I need to be who He wants me to be regardless of what anyone says because God has the final say.

    • Kandis
      October 5, 2016

      Thanks for reading and commenting Ashley. I pray God’s voice always carries the most weight in your life. He loves you deeply and no one will ever be able to match the depths of His love for you. Pray you continue to find renewed sense of purpose and joy as you keep leaning into Him above all else. Your life has a great and beautiful plan strategically designed by your loving Father.

  • Aletha M.
    September 27, 2016

    So encouraging, Kandis! Singing is sometimes the only thing that helps me. I often sing even before my morning reading because it prepares and settles my heart like no other. Keep praising and reaching for Him through the darkness!

    • Kandis
      October 5, 2016

      Thanks Aletha! It’s amazing the power of music. It’s always my go to when I’m struggling to focus during my quiet times. It does help settle and prepare our hearts. I don’t usually start with singing but I’m gonna try that sometimes!

  • Leffa
    September 27, 2016

    I haven’t a turnaround to share yet, but from what I just read I believe in a breakthrough towards a transformed better life.
    I saw you on TBN one Sunday afternoon, and I just got moved and I listened. Youth sharing the word of God? I loved it then I decided to follow you and see what you have in store.
    I hope to read more from your blog again

    • Kandis
      October 5, 2016

      Hi Leffa! Thanks so much for hunting me down! I think you may have seen me on Daystar probably? I’m praying for you and your turnaround. As long as you’re breathing there is hope and a plan for you. This is not forever and I’m believing with you for your turnaround! Thank Him in advance. He’s definitely going to come through!

  • Ruth
    September 27, 2016

    Oh man that was the first half of this year for me. I wished it was a day but that day turned into about 4 months. Wanted to get away from my life, from myself and I couldn’t because I felt that myself needed me (if that makes sense). I sang songs, read Scripture, cried and cried some more. I honestly can’t tell you when everything finally changed; it was more of a transition. I started to actually feel what I was saying for the last 3 months. Not entirely good but so much better than I was. Nothing but the grace of God. The only thing I remember consistently saying was that He was a God that wouldn’t reject me, He wouldn’t leave me. I was feeling the constant weight of rejection and this soothed my soul.

    Thank you for sharing your story; it’s so important. You don’t know who God is wanting you to touch with His healing.

    • Kandis
      October 5, 2016

      Thanks for sharing that Ruth. I started to add in the post that I realize sometimes the turnaround takes longer than a day. I’ve lived sloooooow turnaround trials, I’m actually in a couple right now actually :) This particular day, the weight got a bit lighter pretty quickly but I definitely understand where you are coming from. Trust. Me. I understand.

      Praying you keep leaning into the truths of God and what He says. Praying you’re fully outta this thing completely in His perfect and appointed time and not a single second later.